FRAZZLED
by Innovations1
Summary: And yet another fic in which Harry, Ron and Draco ack like idiots


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Disclamers are more like warnings: I don't owns 'em, I jus writes 'em.

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From the desktop of Innovations: The second installment of my weird little mini-series...I can't explain this....

Pippin: We guessed as much...

Merry: yeah

Remus: *coughs* We have an- *looks around* announcement to make

All: *take deep breaths* ANNOUNCEMENTS! ANNOUNCEMENTS! AAANNNOOOUUUUNNNCCCEEEEMMMEEENNNTTTSSSSS!!!!!

Remus: *falls over*

Inno: Meh...Anywayz...My muses have something to say to you all...

Frodo: Brace yourselves...

Yamato: *clears throght* Ahem...Inno would like up to beg you all to let us mst your fics...any of your fics...

James: *nods*

Merry: If your so kind enough as to help a poor author-

Inno: OI!

Merry: -You can sign up at 

Innosence@msn.com

Pippin: Msting comes out in the order of witch it was entered, so it might take a while if you enter late...

Samwise: Or, it may also be the fact that Inno takes forever to finish fics...Either or...

Siri: With that said and done...R&R!

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(Harry walks out on a stage, the spotlight hits him, and he looks out at the camera)

Harry: In place of the next part of Innovations' spas mini-series, we at the Hogwart's comics board have desided to use this space to comorate the loss of Bill the Cat. He belonged to some Hufflepuff that I don't know the name of...Anyway. This is an excluseive interview with some of Bill's friends and accoiates. Thank you.

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(Harry turns to walk off the stage, but trips over his shoe-laces)

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FRAZZLED

The ugly, sorid life, death

and rebirth of Bill the Cat 

Sunday, September 9,

2000...The Hufflepuff Common Room, 

Wedged between "Histroy of Magic" and

"1000 Magical Herbs and Fungi",

A limp cat lies nearly comatose.

Bill has chosen the method most popular

among today's wizard's pets to deal with

success:

He melted his brain

Bill: hmmph!*snort*sniff!

**_The same day. Diagon Alley. The Minstry of Magic _**

comics guild Hearings...

Mr. Weasley: It's all a media myth, Minster.

There is no more a drug problem in the

Hogwart's cartoon industry than in ...oh...

say, The muggle entertainment industry.

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Fudge: Well! That is a relief!

**__**

Later, sources close to Bill

Would anonymously recount

The great cat's final, sad days.

Padfoot: One day he started chasing the girls 

around the pool with a pair of ice tongs screaming "Piranha!"

He was clearly out of control. Then he tossed one of the swans into 

the jacuzzi. Moony never let Bill into the mansion again.

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Crookshanks: One night Bill showed up in the Gryffindor common room

at about 4:00 am. He was whacked. A big date with some pretty Slytherin 

kitty fell through and he was upset. So he threw my rubber mousie out the window, and drank all my root beer. I wanted to claw his eyes out...

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Prongs: All I know is that right before he was killed, he told me that he would come back in his second life as Brittany Spears...Yep! The drugs had clearly taken their toll.

**__**

Tuesday. September 30th. 7:16 am.

A late night party in the girls side of the Ravinclaw 

common room. The lot of Hogwarts animal population was 

there. It finally breaks up around dawn.

"Need a lift home?" Hedwig asked.

"Ack" Bill replied, stumbling toward the portrate.

Hedwig shrugged and flew out. 

11:05 am. The quidditch pitch. East toward home. 

Bill's nervous system-ravaged by months of chemical 

abuse-teeters precariously on the brink of total, catastropic 

failer...

High Noon. The outsktrs of the Hufflepuff common room.

143 mph. On Harry Potter's Firebolt. 

Harry: Hey!

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Ron: Shhhhh!!

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Harry: *grumble*

**__**

Oblivion...Dead ahead...

The piper is about to be paid...

(Bill crashes Harry's broom into the whomping willow)

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7:43 am. A scene of total broomstick devastation.

A lone and sorrowful figure discovers that of 

the once glorious Bill the Cat...

Not one scrap remains. 

Not one single, solitary piece...

except...

Draco: Great Scott!! His....His...

**__**

It was Draco Malfoy, friend and Business associate 

of Bill the Cat, who first arived at 

the scene of the fiery broom crash.

It was also he who discovered the only intact portion 

of the once great entertainer which remained...

His TONGUE!

Draco: How totally gross...

**__**

Ronald Weasley's laboroatory...30 min. later...

Draco: *sniff* Here, take it Ronald P. Weasley...*sniffle* I'm too stricken with grief...Please give it a nice burial or something...

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Ron in thought: Or something...

**__**

...Or something indeed!! For there were GENETIC THINGAMAGIS! And DNA DOOHICKIES!! In that ol tongue of Bill's! And

thus began the most daring experiment ever to be conducted before bedtime...THE CLONING OF A CAT! 

Ron is seen digging around in a box marked "Junior Chemestry"

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There were...Quite naturally..."Some" minor setbacks...

Ron is standing next to a clone of half Bill, Half Hermionie...

Ron: Drat!

**__**

But then, success!! And while Ronald P. Weasley: 

scientist, hacker, and potions flunker 

slept, exausted, An unknowing world mourned a soul

who had filled the lives of millions with hope, joy, and cat spittle..

...

A soul who had also RETURNED!!

Bill: ACK! *snort* *barf* YECK!

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Harry: Well...that was simply...

Ron: Awful...

Draco: Yeah

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Inno: ...erk....ok...R&R?

All: Yeah, riight....

Inno: *sweatdrops*

**__**

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End file.
